Sup?

Well, sorry I haven't been updating all that often lately, my camera ran out of batteries and we kinda lost the charger. One of these days I'll have to get to that. My days have been incredibly busy with work, kids home for summer break, work, and kids, and work. :) That's about it. I'm really having fun though. We went to Utah a week ago for Mark's wedding (Brad's little brother). It was such a great trip. My extremely kind and daring mom flew into town with my niece and nephew, Nia and Justis, and watched them and my girls while Brad and I took the weekend to go see them get married. We stayed at our old house in Pemberley where some of our best friend's, Justin and Stephanie Morgan now live. It seriously was a life changing trip. I learned a lot about myself, enjoyed being just with Brad, and was introduced to a lot of really cool stuff. Justin and Stephanie introduced me to this book called, "Remembering Wholeness" by Carol Tuttle. I had been struggling a ton lately, trying to figure out the purpose in wanting or trying for anything (for me it was to get pregnant) if the Lord has a plan and is going to do whatever he wants to do regardless of what you want him to do. So why even try? Just submit and like it. That was what I kept telling myself. And I was really having a hard time liking it. Five of my friends that were in Utah either just had or are about to have babies, and it was fun to hold the babies, but you know how much that sucks when you want one and can't have one. I found some peace reading this book on the way home though, and I can't say I'm good to go yet, I'm still working on it, but I'm definitely on a good path. I think its pretty amazing how many arguments you can have with yourself at one time, how many different feelings you can feel, while trying to sort it all out.

I do feel a direction the Lord is taking me though, and I'm excited, although life hasn't turned out exactly as I had planned it, frankly, I'm grateful. This path the Lord is taking me is actually a lot more exciting and fun than what I had planned. I guess growing up I was kind of taught, its babies and diapers, then dance and soccer, then cheerleading and football, then they're off and you're done with that part, then you retire and travel and serve missions, and life is over. I honestly never considered the thought that maybe there was more than just being a mom and a wife. I almost have to rewire my brain and teach myself to dream differently. Because all my dreams I've ever allowed myself to have have always been family oriented, get married, have four kids, go on vacations, help them to grow up and teach them all I know, they're off, Brad and I are back in honeymoon phase, and then we have grandkids and die. Every dream I had revolved around everyone else, and I would have been okay with that, really, but I kinda feel like I may have more purpose in this life than just being a mom. There may be people out there that really need something that I may be able to give them. I don't know exactly all that it will entail, but I feel like something big is coming, and I'm excited.

Brad was always a dreamer. He always has had high hopes and aspirations, and nothing was too big to dream of. I'm not sure why I was never like that, I always felt that dreaming like that is setting yourself up for disappointment or its just too prideful. But what if we allow ourselves to dream? If you don't, you're already destined to fail, so what do you have to lose? What if God wants us to have those things? He definitely doesn't want us to fail. Anyway, if you have some spare time, read "Remembering Wholeness" by Carol Tuttle. It has a lot of the same concepts of "The Secret" only she's got a lot more LDS perspective and a lot more in depth explanation, its not just "Think it and it will come", its more than that, and its about finding that inner peace. That's what I'm working on right now, is finding that inner peace, and finding a purpose in life, and a purpose to my trials. Anyway, have a great week, don't forget its Father's Day next Sunday!!!

-Angel