Keep Moving Forward

So I was just introduced to an awesome new thing called "Love and Logic". It's a program for parenting. They have books and podcasts (my favorite) and audio books and things like that to you become a better parent. I'm the first to admit that I'm not the best parent in the world and I'm constantly trying to figure out what works best for my children, like piecing together a puzzle, and right when I think I get it figured out the puzzle changes and I have to figure it out again. Anyway, this Love and Logic totally works really well and is inline with how I want to be as a parent. So last night I had a chance to put it into action...

Tori wanted to play a new game on my iphone. Its one of those where there's a ball and you have to move the phone in different directions so the ball doesn't fall into the hole and get it to the end of the maze. Anyway, so she did really well on the first one after a few tries and was very excited, but as you win, it gets harder, and she got so mad! Granted it was her bedtime, so she was tired, but she was so mad that she couldn't win the game and kept failing. So I took it away and said, "Okay, its bedtime." It was obvious that she was tired. So then she freaked out of course and Brad said, "If that's how you're going to act, then we're going to take the game off the phone and you won't be able to play with it anymore." I mean, that's totally justifyable, right? If she's going to have a tantrum over not winning a game, we should take it away, right? Well... right after Brad said that I had the thought... try what you learned with Love and Logic... which was EMPATHY. And all the sudden my viewpoint changed. I needed to use this as a lesson opportunity for Tori. So I told Brad I was going to try something different (Tori in the background screaming "No NO NO NO I want it!"

So I sat her on my lap facing me and I said "Tori, I understand that you're frustrated and you're feeling sad because you couldn't win the game. And it was hard, and I know its not fun to fail. But we have to fail in order to succeed. And you have to keep trying. What did they say on Meet the Robinsons?"

Tori: "I don't know."

Me: "Keep Moving Forward. If you were going to give up on something just cause its hard, you wouldn't be able to ride a bike, or read a book, or do anything that you have to learn how to do. You've got to fail in order to succeed, that's how we learn and win! So I want you to keep trying and don't get frustrated at yourself, just keep moving forward."

Tori: "But I hate to lose. Its not fun to fail."

Me: "That is so true, its not fun, I understand that, Mommy and Daddy fail at a lot of things (this is where its good...) Mommy and Daddy didn't get pregnant right away, but we kept on trying!!! (Brad's laughing in the background) And if we had stopped trying, you wouldn't be here! And we're going to keep trying to have more kids until we die!!! Just because we didn't succeed the first time, doesn't mean we don't try again!

So Tori is smiling right now as she is beaming of confidence and encouragement. And I of course am smiling as I think about "trying for kids" for the rest of my life and she has no idea what we're talking about, but I thought it was a funny analogy.

Anyway, I can see how empathy is important and way more constructive than anger. She definitely learned her lesson, and... so did we.